doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
