Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
