I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
