we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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