I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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