The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
