my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My life is pants optional.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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