My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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