Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
