In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize