Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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