brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
