cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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