I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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