Non-Jews are for practice
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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