you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
