i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
