i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
