Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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