So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
