if only i could text you this smell
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
