He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize