In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Randomize
