Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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