He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
