We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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