he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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