Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
