I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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