i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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