if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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