babies were throwing up all over the place
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
this is an emotional support booty call
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
there is glitter all over my balls
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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