I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
