Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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