Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
True college students do jello shots in the library
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
