You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
