He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
