apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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