You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
