ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
