i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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