Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
