coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
