Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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