why didn't you poke me back
..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
