I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize