If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
