i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
