Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
