Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
