I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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