I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
