I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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