I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
