pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
