what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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