I hope mine doesn't look like that
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
