Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
