she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I want a musical about memes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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