Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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