Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
