i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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