cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
