what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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