it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
