Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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