Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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