The best revenge is premature balding
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
