But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
