How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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