guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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